All In My Head

I was in a book store today.  Barnes and Noble.  I found myself in the sci-fi / fantasy section without really intending to go there.  I had a gift card, wanted to spend it, but didn't know what I wanted.  I stood browsing in an isle where a man stood at the other end.  I could feel his presence like he was noticing what books I looked at.  Probably all in my head.  I'm sure he barely noticed me, but for some reason I felt the need to only pick up books that didn't make me look to girly.  At the grocery story I like to stop at the magazine stand down from the wine and tortillas.  If others are there, especially a man, I go strait for the Scientific American, the Popular Mechanics, or some other sciency type magazine.  I truly love those ones and read them as often as I can, but I only go to the crochet and knit category when I'm alone or at least after I've sought out the others.  Why do I do it.  Who knows.  A constant need to feel like I'm more than just a woman?  Maybe.  I do that same thing when I drive.  Any car beside me and I have to be the first out of the red-light gate.  Alright, not every time, but I enjoy showing off the turbo engine, the fact that I'm a woman who likes to go fast.  Kind of ridiculous.  I always wonder if the person behind me is some handsome man who is wondering about who I am and where I'm going.  Then I realize that if they were really wondering that and ending up following me, it would be beyond creepy.